The Mountains we Climb

So I keep this part of my story short. As many of you know in twenty twelve I had a wee slip on a mountain side, in the Mourne Mountains. I was travelling down the Devil’s coach road, which cuts down the boulder field on the side of Slievelamagan. I posteriorly dislocated my right shoulder, ripping up cartilage and a whole manor of other soft tissue. That’s how it started.

Made it! Though can't see much...

So the day after Boxing Day, the 27^th December for my American readers, I went on a solo hike up Silent Valley past Ben Crom reservoir dam and up to the infamous Slievelamagan, well, infamous to me. I sat at the foot of it on a bolder looking up at it wondering if I would actually attempt it today, as there was some fog coming in over the top. Now this slope is not the most difficult, but it isn’t for those who are faint of heart. So I took a handful of peanuts, and I went for it. By half way up the fog really set in… and I probably should have turned around at that point, but alas I continued. I got to top finally and I was done, in so many ways. I sat on the top rock, and I ate a sandwich and took a selfie. Tell you, I know how to celebrate.

You know, the night before, I lay in bed tossing and turning because I knew I was at least going to climb up to it. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t get out of my head everything that mountain represented for me. I lay there in the dark, and I thought all the toughness that it brought to me. It was 14 dislocations, many minor, major, and reconstructive operations. It was chronic pain. It’s depression. It was self-destruction. It was addiction to pain medication. It was hours of sleepless nights. I really despised that mountain, because of all I felt I had been through because of it.

It took for me to start walking, for the fresh air to hit me, to actually start reflecting a lot clearer. If I hadn’t fallen on that mountain I would be a different person completely. If it wasn’t for falling on that mountain I would likely still had focused on studying medicine. If I hadn’t fallen, I would have finished school at the same time as my peers, this means I would not have gone to live in America for a year. If I hadn’t fallen on that mountain I would not have met some of the people I truly care about, from across the pond. I wouldn’t have met people that have lead me to challenge my perceptions of not only the world out there, but the world in my head, and explore how I process ‘stuff’. I would likely have not had the experiences that let me grow in my faith.

My point is if I look back on it now, I am glad my life has taken the path it has. Although I do have continuous pain (yay, and at only twenty!) if I hadn’t slipped up there, I likely would have slipped up horrifically in something, somewhere down the line.

Looking at the clouds bubble over, taken in Silent Valley.

I was once told by someone that God had made me slip, because he would then use it to show me a new path, to guide me. I think this person had it half right. God surely has opened my eyes and shown me multiple paths. But I don’t for one second believe that God made me slip. The god that puts negativity in our life to guide us, is not my God. My God is the God of love, who cares for all, who will not put us into negative situations, but will walk through it with us. Every, single, step.

The story of the woman in her dream walking with God along a beach, and looking back to see times of her life, and foot prints in the sand. At closer inspection she realises in the difficult times there are only one set, so she turns to God and queries it. God responds “In the hard times, there are only one set of footprints, because I carried you.” A story familiar by many. Though I am a tad more fond of the ending, God responds “In the hard times, there are only one set of footprints, because I thought it would be fun to hop” Maybe not as deep, though they both get across the message that God is with us through it all.

I have a huge issue with letting up control. I need control of situations, of people, and I promise I have been working on it and am a fair bit better than I was a couple years back. The thing that really crushed me initially with this injury was the lack of control I had. My body failed me, it seemed, getting very sick at times, for a teenager, with multiple cases of tonsillitis, and then shingles, which really shows how weak and tired my body got. And I had no control, all I could do was sit back and let the medication do its thing. Then there was the feeling of lack of control in the direction my life seemed to be plummeting. It was hard for me. But I have realised now that unexpected things do happen, and sometimes the only control I will have is the control over how I face the unexpected. And at that stage I rely on God, to have the strength to face it with grace, and courage, and humour.

One important thing I learnt, in the car park outside a Tijuana Flats no less, was how to express this belief, which I had start to grasp after a while of dealing with this whole debacle. It was that bad things happen because of life, not God. Life throws us massive curve balls at times, be it injury, a relatives death, cancer, but God gives us options, in those times of darkness, ways on, to something fresh. That doesn’t mean at all we escape this thing life has given us, it just means God will carry it with you till you do get passed it. God has walked me to here, and never once left my side. He brought me to America, to have my eyes, heart, and mind opened. Now he has bought me to Glasgow, and I am eager to see what I will learn here (not just in astrophysics).

Silent Valley 

Sometimes we can want to run away from the issues life brings us. Be this because it would stop the pain, or just make everything simpler; with God we don’t need to run. With God we turn and face the demons of life head on and break them down into chunks we can deal with, just bit at a time. Me climbing that mountain, was my way of finishing with it all. I now don’t see it as negative, but a turning point. We all in life have mountains to climb, just not all of them are physical ones like mine! But it takes time, it took me the best part of three years. I write this to maybe give hope to those who are struggling with something in life.

Looking down onto the waters of Ben Crom

I often remember a card that once arrived at our house a few years back. It told this story: A flood began to rise and a man became stuck on his roof, praying out for God to save him. A person comes by in a kayak and has space, so yells to the man “come get in my kayak!” “It is okay,” the trapped man responds, “God will save me!” He then prays again. Shortly a life boat comes by and the crew yell “we are here to help, get in the boat!” “It is okay,” the trapped man responds, “God will save me!” A short time passes, as he continues to pray, and a helicopter from the emergency response appears, they throw down a ladder, and say “climb up!” “It is okay,” the trapped man responds, “God will save me!” The water continues to rise, till the man gets too tired to keep his head above the water, and he drowns. He reaches the pearly gates and asks St Peter, “I prayed and prayed to be saved from the flood, but yet God did nothing, why?” “What are you talking about,” responds St Peter, “we sent a kayak, a life boat, and a rescue helicopter!”

God is there with you, and he will be there every step of the way, and he will give you options, you just need to look out for them and be open to them when they come about.

Peace,

Owain